Josor-9

word..

(via ericitaaaa)

this song really makes me want to be alone with someone, no bad intentions, just laying down next to each other, eyes closed, no words..

(Source: itsmoh, via libisi)

so many things i want to say, so many mixed feelings, so many changes going on.. i haven’t really been able to talk to anyone because it’s not the first time this happens, and at the end of the day i really don’t want to be judged, or annoy anyone with the same story over and over again. i’m hurt, worse than other times, and i really don’t know what to do. change is always good, but why do things like this must happen for us to realize we need to be apart? why must we hurt each other and fight and say things out of impulse to later on only be wishing we were together? nothing sucks more than receiving a text message hoping it’s that person, and it’s not. nothing sucks more than no matter what you do, they’re in your mind all the time. nothing sucks more than being too fucking proud to try and talk to them. what doesn’t kill makes you stronger, but what if it feels it’s self induced? in that case can anyone become super strong if they’re constantly hurting themselves on purpose??? on the other hand, it fuckin sucks she still prefers her friends over me. i’m not in the position of talking about priorities because i work too much, and i’m not going to make her chose between me and them because they’re the ones there for her when i’m not around, but this shit really sucks! people change over time, yes, but they should change by the decisions they make and feel are right, not by peer pressure and feeling rebellious trying to prove a point. at the end of the day she’s not a bad person. i feel like all this things that i’m typing are just contradicting, but really that’s how mixed emotions i have right now. i did everything humanly possible to be with her, even took time away from my family to be with her, and it still wasn’t enough. it didn’t piss me off she didn’t want to be with me on our 3 year anniversary night, it just really hurt me. that’s what’s keeping me from talking to her, that’s why we’re not together (besides her ‘badass’ attitude), and that’s probably what’s going to throw 3 years down the toilet.. or is it? i really don’t know what to do, what to say, or even what to feel, sucks being human right now. i have many other things around me to be happy and thankful for, and i am, it’s just hard to not have your ‘sun’ anymore. dark days are around, but the sun will rise again even after the darkest night. thank you for letting me vent, tumblr..

how i’ve missed thee.

(Source: tac0fucker)

Money, money, money.. it gets the best out of people and gives them that feeling of superiority, especially when they haven’t had money before. that has to be one of my biggest pet peeves. whenever she gets financial aid she becomes a whole different person, and me being in the situation where all my money is going towards my school fund makes me feel useless. even though it should be completely the opposite way, i’m the one working hard to make ends meet, and manage to pay a huge tuition bill, AND still take her out to from time to time. i don’t understand why she does that, i guess it’s the fact that she’s never worked before and has been handed everything, and this financial aid thing giving her a large amount along with all her friends, who together act in a really arrogant way. i don’t judge them, i’m not saying it’s even a bad thing, it’s just funny how i’ve made larger quantities working and i feel i’m the same person because whatever money i make is as if i didn’t make it anyways, but them, they go back to ‘normal’ in a couple of weeks when they’ve spent all their money. i know this sounds girly, but i got ready today for nothing, we had agreed to go out in the afternoon, she said her friend had invited her to church but didn’t really want to go, so we could just go out instead. i didn’t hear anything after that, 9pm came along, called her, and she replied with a text ‘what’s up in at church’. i told her things i shouldn’t have, then she played the ignoring game, so it makes me wonder if she was at ‘church’ in the first place. i hate assuming things, and i hate even more whining about them, but i guess this is what tumblrs for right? this fucking sucks..

even though it’s not that old, i had forgotten about this remix. Eric Prydz, Pryda, or Cirez D, however you want to call him, is definitely one of my inspirations. He was an original member of the Swedish House Mafia. I want to be like him some day, as soon as you hear a song and one of his synths you can tell it’s him. i’ve been producing and experimenting a lot with music lately, i just don’t feel confident enough with what i’ve come with yet. even if i would, i want to put something out that i want to be known by, if that makes any sense. my goal is to make music i’ll be the number one fan of, songs that will stick in my head, and songs i will definitely love dropping at clubs, that’s the whole point isn’t it? it’s not easy, but that’s where i want to be..

the most anticipated day in the past 6 years or so is finally here, i’m turning 21, and got many reasons to celebrate, but even more to be thankful for. for the first time in more than 15 years my grandma’s spending a birthday with me. cheers to life :)